Friday, December 9, 2011

Guest Post & Giveaway with Carolyn Crane: Complaints about author Carolyn Crane: The characters speak out!

Please help me welcome one of my favorite authors, Carolyn Crane back to A Buckeye Girl Reads! Today her characters from the Disillusionist trilogy (my reviews for book one, Mind Games  and  book two, Double Cross ) are here today to talk about their complaints to Carolyn Crane!  Carolyn is also giving away either Mind Games or Double Cross to one lucky winner!

Complaints about author Carolyn Crane: The characters speak out!

After years of silence, the characters from the Disillusionist trilogy air their grievances with author Carolyn Crane in a tell-all (yet spoiler-free!) roundtable discussion.

Shelby: As you can see, I speak very much like normal American. Does Carolyn portray me in such a way in her books? She does not. I do not have accent, as you see. Why must she behave as if I have accent? Pfft!

Packard: I am very unhappy about a certain scene in an impound lot in Head Rush. I’ll leave it at that.

Cubby: I’d like to air a grievance about the name Cubby. I think it doomed me from the start with Justine. How can a girl take me seriously with a name like Cubby? I feel like all the readers saw me as…a flat character. I am more than a flat character, Carolyn! More than the stupid boyfriend! You never cared about me!

Shelby: I was not fond of certain incidents, you know this, Carolyn. I am grateful however, for despicable apartment that you gave me to live in. It was very despicable, with perfectly despicable view of eyesore.

 Otto: Naturally, I have my complaints on how you treated me, but, they were more than made up for by a certain cucumber analogy to a part of my anatomy.

Packard: I was not pleased with that cucumber analogy for part of Otto’s anatomy. Especially because, being trapped in a Mongolian restaurant, I naturally ended up with the kebab analogy in the minds of readers, even though you never outright said that. Don’t try to argue, I know how people think!! Carolyn let me point out that a kebab is a sharp skewer with roasted meats and vegetables on it. You should have thought that through. That imagery is…hardly appealing. You might have considered a German restaurant with sausage as the specialty. A large Kielbasa would certainly be more accurate.

Carter: Why did you make me seem so ragefully obsessed with the Tangle? Yes, I hate driving on it, and yes, I drive on it all the time, and then I get enraged, and then, fine, I drive on it some more. Okay! Well, it’s a &#%^ piece of &#@* in the way of everything that I wish I could fire bomb. But you make me sound crazed with rage about it!! You are a megalomaniac!

Simon: I don’t have a lot of grievances against you, Carolyn. You let me drive a cool car, you let me throw finger bones from a skeleton in book one.

Helmut: You had me say that worldwide wars over water will be what kills humans in the end, but you never let me explain how that would happen. People need to know! Your book could have served an important warning to humanity, but instead, you only cared about entertaining people. Is that all you care about, you Hedonistic harlot?

Justine: You made me sound like a freak about my health! Anybody would have the worries I do, if they educated themselves. I mean, I’m grateful you wrote the entire series about me, but I seemed a wee bit of a basketcase.

Vesuvius: Oh, Justine, I am weeping for you over here! I had exactly two lines in the whole trilogy. Thanks a lot, Carolyn! You gave me an awesome name and FORGOT ABOUT ME.

Jarvis: Well guess who had no lines, and was drooling throughout the trilogy!

Sophia: Carolyn, you made my eyebrows sound overly groomed. Yes, I am proud of my fierce and shapely brows, but sometimes  I feel like you were picturing a red-headed Cruella DeVille when you were writing about me. That was NOT appreciated.

Simon: Carolyn, you let me upset Justine, which is always entertaining, and you’re giving me my own novella in three months, and making it free to your newsletter subscribers, which I think is swell. Yup, still no complaints.

Justine: Why did you let Simon upset me so much? Did you not think I had enough on my plate with my health fears—not that mine aren’t perfectly reasonable—but you have to give me frenemy Simon? Throwing finger bones and being a maniac? And also, there was that incident in Double Cross…

Vesuvius: And why did I not get a trading card?

Jarvis: Don’t get me started on the trading cards. Carolyn only made trading cards for the BIG characters. But if I got a card, I’d probably be drooling on the picture.

Carter: Carolyn should think more about us, and less about where her next chocolate fix is coming from.

Packard: People, people, hold up here. Aren’t you glad you were in the novels at all? We would have just been figments of Carolyn’s imagination if she hadn’t written us into the trilogy. Think of all the fun and adventures we had together. Carolyn is awesome! She is a goddess! Not as much as Justine, but still!

Characters: grumblingly agree.

Packard: Carolyn, as a thanks for writing about us. We have a gift for you: A cheese plate and a bar of chocolate!

Carolyn: **grinning** Yippee!  **Begins to chow down.** And Colette, thanks so much for having us here, even though some people were very complainy! 

Carolyn Crane lives in Minneapolis with her husband and two daring cats. She works as a marketing writer for her straight job and has also put in time as a shop clerk, a cocktail waitress and a plastics factory worker, which she was dismal at (think I Love Lucy). Also, she can relate almost any life experience to one or another Star Trek episodes, and if you invite her to your party, your entire cheese plate will be in grave danger. She can be found reading in bed, running, helping animals, or eating Mexican food.

Head Rush The Disillusionists Trilogy, Book 
Justine Jones faces her ultimate enemy: herself. 
In an attempt to put her unhappy past behind her, Justine Jones throws herself into nursing school and planning her wedding to Otto Sanchez, the man of her dreams. But something is off. Random details aren’t adding up…and is it her imagination, or are her friends and fiancĂ© keeping secrets from her? And what’s with the strange sense of unease, and her odd new headaches?
Justine tries to stay upbeat as Midcity cowers under martial law, sleepwalking cannibals, and a mysterious rash of paranormal copycat violence, but her search for answers leads her into the most dangerous mind game yet.With the help of unlikely allies, including her paranoid dad and best frenemy Simon, Justine fights her ultimate foe…and unravels the most startling mystery of all.
Warning: This book contains high-speed rollerblade chases, a mysterious green dashboard ornament, a father of the bride in full hazmat gear and a delicious kebab.

Where to buy: 

One lucky commenter will win either an ebook or paper copy of  Mind Games or Double Cross by Carolyn Crane. This is an international giveaway. To enter just say which character you enjoyed hearing from most (Can you guess which of the characters is one of my book boyfriends?) and a way for me to contact you if you are the winner-either an email address or twitter handle. I almost forgot-please state what book you'd like and if you'd like a ebook or paper copy.  If I do not hear from the winner within two days of contacting them, a new winner may be chosen. Winners may be contacted directly by email and not necessarily in a winners post. Giveaway is open till 11:00pm December 15, 2011. :)